Random stuff that's happened this week

At the end of Spanish class:

"So, if you paid attention, good for you! If not... good luck."

...

My friend telling me about her vacation at the beach when she was younger:

"And I got all excited, and told my sister, 'Hey! Come, there's a turtle under the water here! There, feel it!' And my dad was just laughing and laughing on his beach towel... and then a wave came and I slipped and fell, and when I opened my eyes, it turned out that my turtle was a rock."

...

Another friend telling me about how she was (is) scared of a hobo that wanders around the city, sometimes throwing empty bottles at people at bus stops (or so I'm told):

"And the only thing that made me able to walk past her was something my brother told me once: 'Just remember: whatever happens, you can probably outrun her!' "

Me: "AHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!"

...

Yet another friend (I have many of these, these "friend" things) relates the exciting tale of his attack by a savage beast:

"So I was cleaning out the tank, and one of my turtles just jumped up - all shark-like - and bit my nose. I guess I appear yummy to him."

...

I met a green aphid called Sammy Davis Junior Junior Junior today, except I was separated from him not ten minutes after we first met because he made the grave mistake of exploring my thumb a little too far: he stepped on my fingernail, which is currently sporting a coat of clear nail polish. Having lost traction due to said polish, Sammy was unable to hold on, and when the gust of wind of a passing car reached him... well, I'm sure that wherever he landed, he's fine. He was a brave little soul and a resilient little guy (unless he was, in fact, a girl. But my point still stands).